Hermione's Many Loves
by Flair Verona the Slytherin Queen
Summary: This is a parody of all the fanfic couples involving Hermione. It's reedited so I hope people will read it now!


A/N This is just a simple little one-shot that I thought up while doing the dishes. It's based on those cliché stories we all know and love. This is about all the men in Hermione's life who love her and who are asking for love in return. This is truly pointless but it was fun.

Warning I don't own Harry Potter or any thing associated with Harry Potter.

Hermione's Many Loves

Hermione entered the room Dumbledore said for her to meet him in. When she walked in she saw Dumbledore in the center of the room. And scattered around the room was Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Percy Weasley, and last of all Oliver Wood. It's safe to say our Hermione was beyond confused.

"Welcome Miss Granger in this room you will find all these men are madly in love with you. They wish to make their proposal to you." Dumbledore said kindly. Hermione merely shook her head in agreement that she understood. "All right Severus you are up first." Dumbledore said.

"Hermione, I'm the old, dark, mysterious, bad, and snarky potions master. The hate you have built up for me will turn to passion and you will break through my emotional wall and we will fall in love and get married." Severus stated in his oh so silky voice. Then Severus sat back down and glared at all the other men in the room. "Ok well you are up Remus." Dumbledore said.

"Hermione, I'm a lonely werewolf who needs love and affection. We have such mutual respect and it will grow to more. You especially will wish to take care of me. We will fall in love after a lot of emotional animal inspired lovemaking. Then we will get married and live happily ever after." Remus said kindly while Hermione just couldn't believe this was all happening. "Ok Sirius it is your turn." Dumbledore said in a bored tone while eating a lemon drop.

"I'm a rich, unloved, accused, dog like man. I will love you with a passion you have never imagined. We will face hardships when we start feeling things for each other. We will fight about them then make up and tell everyone that we are in love. Then everyone makes a big deal and we will over come this obstacle. Then we will marry." Sirius said with his charming grin. Hermione was in a state of shock at what all these men were saying. "Go Harry," said Dumbledore.

"I'm your best friend, confidante, the boy-who-lived, and all around sad depressed boy. You will feel the need to want to love me because of all I've lost and I will fall madly in love with you. We will have a perfect courtship until Ron admits he is jealous, then we fight but we get back together. Then we will get married and have twins named Lily and James." Harry finished as his eyes twinkled. Dumbledore simply waved Ron on.

"Hermione, there really isn't any reason you should be with me except we look good together. We will fight all the time and we will break up a lot. Then we will see that we really love each other. Oh bloody hell what am I saying! I really love Neville. I'm sorry 'Mione." Ron said blushing furiously. "That's ok in fact I'm happy to hear that." Hermione said sweetly. Then Dumbledore dismissed Ron with a wave of his hand. Ron gladly left. "Ok now Mr. Malfoy do grace us with your speech." Dumbledore said while polishing his fingernails.

"I'm the bad boy you've always wanted. Not to mention I'm terribly sexy and you find the fact I turned to the light side a turn on. I will give you the thrill a goody-goody like you will crave. I will let down my guard and show you the real me. Then my father will get homicidal when he finds out. Then we will have to out wit my father and escape and fall in love, then we elope and have lots of blond children." Malfoy finished quickly. Dumbledore just waved Fred over. However George came up with him.

"Hermione we will bring fun into your life. We will make you so happy. You will fall for both of us. You will like me because I'm the more mischievous and outgoing twin unlike Forge here." Fred said pointing to George. "And you will like me because I'm more shy and sensitive with a mischievous streak." George said grinning like a Cheshire cat. "And it doesn't matter which one of us you marry because you will live happily ever after." Fred finished with a bow. George nodded and followed Fred back their seats. "Finally down to the last two. Go on Percy." Dumbledore said now painting his toenails

"I'm your complete equal. We are simply made for each other. We will have a perfect life." Percy said sincerely and promptly sat down. "Wow that was short one! Ok Oliver you're up." Dumbledore said while finishing his toes. Oliver walked to the center of the room cockily.

"Hermione, love, we would make the most gorgeous couple. I will love you for your intelligence and the fact you will love me for me and not because I'm some rich quidditch player. We would have some jealousy issues. I will be jealous of Harry and Ron because you are so close to them. You will be jealous because all the girls that want me. But in the end we will have a great love and marriage." Oliver finished sweetly his brown orbs glowing brightly. "Ok Miss Granger it's time for your choice to be made." Dumbledore said while braiding his long beard.

"Ok well I appreciate all of this really. But I'd have to say I would choose none of you! I'm dating Seamus. I am sorry though." Hermione said as Seamus walked in the room and kissed her passionately. All the men grumbled and glared at Seamus plotting his death.

"Well alls well that ends well." Dumbledore said as he shut the door behind himself as he left the room careful to not mess up his manicure and pedicure.

THE END

A/N Ok this is not my best work but I've done worse…trust me. I hope you guys at least find it somewhat entertaining. Review if you would. Flames are accepted since this isn't up to standards.

Sincerely,

Flair Verona


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